5 ways to let go of a grudge

They say that harboring a grudge is akin to having the life sucked out of you. There may be more truth to the statement than you think.


While most of us know that bitter resentment can affect our mental health, recent studies have found that it can also harm our physical well-being. Like other emotions, bitterness has dire repercussions: high blood pressure, elevated heart rate, and an increased risk of heart disease.


Negative emotions like stress, anger and depression can lead to physical problem such as high blood pressure, elevated heart rate and increased risk of heart disease. Prolonged feelings of these negative emotions can take a serious toll on your health in the long term.



It’s near impossible to maintain a constantly outlook of life. After all, we all suffer from more bad days than good. In fact, many psychologists believe that expressing negative emotions are healthy. The trick is to not let it become a chronic problem.

Here are 5 ways to resolve your negative emotions:

1. Vent to a friend about what’s bothering you

"Give yourself time to vent and get it out of your system," suggests Dr. Maryann Troiani, co-author of the book Spontaneous Optimism.
It’s important to express those bitter feelings so that you don’t end up nurturing them. The ear of a close friend is extremely helpful as a sympathetic and non-judgemental outlet for your anger.

2. Watch the news

Sometimes, we let our problems overwhelm us so much so that we forget how lucky we are. We need to be reminded how small our problems are when we compare them to others who are worse off than us.
"I ask people to watch the news for a day, or read the paper, or go to work and talk to people, and they'll see that others have suffered and this is just a part of life," says Luskin, author of the book "Forgive for Good."

3. Consider confronting the person who hurt you

Depending on the situation, it may work out or it may backfire. Confronting your boss about his silly decisions may end up giving you more trouble than it’s worth.
Instead, write a letter to the person you are angry at. Let out all your rage on that piece of paper, then throw it away and move on from there.

4. Realise that you are only harming yourself

Holding a grudge is a conscious choice that people make. You can consciously stop the process by constantly reminding yourself that you are only causing yourself physical harm.
"I tell my patients, take care of this bitterness now, or in five years it will haunt you in the form of chronic headaches, fatigue, arthritis, and backaches," Troiani says.

5. Try to see things from the other person’s point of view

People may treat you in a manner that you think is unfair. Instead of flaring up, consider that their actions could be because they’re going through a hard time themselves.
Occasionally, the path to forgiveness is empathizing with your offender's situation.

For Your Reading Pleasure

I receive this email and find it meaningful so I decided to post it here as a reminder to myself as well as others who read my blog. Here is it:

TRUST

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship.
Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity mayresult in separation.A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. Sheanswered, 'Public Utilities Board.' There was silence. She repeated,'PUB.' There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line,she Heard a lady's voice, 'Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number frommy Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is.'Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if thetelephone operator answered with just 'hello' instead of 'PUB'.

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, 'Many people praised you for a successfulmarriage. Could you please share with me your secret?'The father-in-law answered in a smile, 'Never criticize your wife for hershortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind thatbecause of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a betterhusband than you.'We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid oflosing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look aroundto find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. Weshould always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the otherfour fingers are pointing at ourselves.If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested'I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.' The SDUofficer said, 'Your requirements, please.' 'Oh, good looking, polite,humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing toaccompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't goout. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversationand be silent when I want to rest.' The officer listened carefully andreplied, 'I understand you need television.'There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blindwife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults ofthe husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Manycouples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetualperfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off,they wake up a nd discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, ordemands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer alland their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, thisis not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that'It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character.'It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing thespouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that 'A speech willeither prosper or ruin a nation.' Many relationships break off because ofwrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forgetmutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if itwould hurt the other party.A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. Aworker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, 'Hi, Emily! Remember me? Weused to date in the secondary school.' On the way home, her millionairehusband teased her, 'Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wifeof a construction worker.' She answered,'You should appreciate that youmarried me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire and not you.'Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be anotherman's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, aboy commented, 'Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey? 'Uponhearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walkedbesides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, 'The husband is thehead of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is onfoot?' Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride onthe donkey.Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, 'How can theman ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman.'The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then,they met a young man. He commented, 'Poor donkey, how can you hold up theweight of two persons. They are cruel to you.' Hearing that, the husbandand wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on theirshoulders.It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a nar row bridge, the donkeywas frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into theriver. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemnyou. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of hishome to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son washappily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran tohis son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp aspunishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finallyhad to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke upfrom the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, 'Daddy, I'msorry about your truck.' Then he asked, 'but when are my fingers going togrow back?' The father went home & committed suicide.Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wishto take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone ulove. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't.Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions wetake while in a rage will haunt us forever.

That's it and it ended with this sentence...

'Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One''Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the momentsthat take our breath away '

Some of it really true and it's really happening in my life. By reading it, make me think that i should appreciate what i have now. What i own now doesn't mean it will belong to me forever.

Loves those who love you and care for you although you are not the most precious one to them but at least they have you in mind. That will be enough.